


she's not random

by shuuuliet



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: F/M, i'm incapable of writing about something besides pining jules, set after 4x06: bollywood homicide, yes shawn and abigail are together during this but it's still very much shules don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25064179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuuuliet/pseuds/shuuuliet
Summary: Set a few days after "Bollywood Homicide", Juliet and Gus accidentally eavesdrop on a conversation between Shawn and Abigail in the Psych office.
Relationships: Abigail Lytar/Shawn Spencer, Burton "Gus" Guster & Juliet O'Hara, Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	she's not random

**A/N: Neither _Psych_ nor any of its characters, belong to me, which is probably for the best, as it would've been a much crappier show if I'd invented it. **

Juliet squinted into the sunlight as she walked out of the coffee shop with Gus. She could see the ocean, tempting her from across the street. It had been so long since she’d been to the beach, and today would’ve been a perfect day for it. It had been unbearably hot in the typically mild Santa Barbara all week, and she would have usually had today off, since it was Saturday, but she’d had to move some shifts around this week to cover for another detective who had been out on paternity leave.

Still, she’d relished getting out of the stuffy office for her break, and today she’d used her break to grab coffee with Gus. She and Gus didn’t usually spend a lot of time one-on-one together, but she liked Gus’ near encyclopedic knowledge of a wide variety of things, and every once in a while, when Shawn was busy, Gus would get bored and reach out to spend some time talking to someone about something other than 80s pop culture.

Lately, she and Gus had been taking more of these coffee breaks. Shawn had been off with Abigail most of the time, and so she and Gus would go off by themselves to grab a coffee at Coffee with Attitude.

They used those coffee breaks to talk about a lot of things—comic books, American Duos—things she and Gus had in common.

They never talk about Shawn.

They used to, but Juliet knows that Gus knows about what happened at the drive-in, and after that, she swore they’d never talk about Shawn on their own again.

Before, they had talked about him, in little ways. It was hard not to. But even then, Juliet had seen the knowing look in Gus’ eyes when she’d mention him. It was a glimmer of hope, then, to know Gus was rooting for them—before everything—but now she doesn’t want to look at it, doesn’t want Gus to see the feelings that are still inside of her.

So they don’t talk about Shawn, and it’s good, and it’s fine, but sometimes it still feels like he’s there with them, like his absence is its own person, and by not talking about him, they’re somehow still paying attention to him. Only Shawn could be just as present, just as _unforgettable_ , in his absence.

Today, Juliet had been picking Gus’ brain about a particularly tricky case she was working on. She suspected his pharmaceutical knowledge would come in handy, so she’d lent him a copy of the autopsy report on the victim from her case file the day before so he could have a look before they met up.

Shawn hadn’t been at the Psych office when she dropped the file off, which had been simultaneously disappointing and a relief to Juliet. Ever since she’d asked him out, and he’d turned her down, things had been a little different for them. Now that he was with Abigail, they’d both tried to keep their distance a little more, especially outside of work, which hurt, but which she’d nevertheless tried to convince herself was for the best.

Remembering the case file as she and Gus walked along, Juliet said, “hey, I should probably grab that file back from you. I know they’re just copies, but as you guys aren’t on the case…”

“No problem, I left it on my desk in the Psych office.” Gus said. “We can grab it real quick before you get back to the station.”

Juliet nodded, checking her watch as they moved towards the office.

“Hey, that’s Abigail’s car!” Gus said, pointing to a small red car in the parking lot. “Abigail and Shawn must be back from lunch!”

“Wow, if they’re already back, I should really be getting back to the station,” Juliet said, not wanting to see them. “My break time’s up, too.”

“They better not be making out in the Psych office!” Gus exclaimed, distracted. “I have _talked_ to him about this.”

Juliet’s stomach dropped. She had no desire to walk in on Shawn with Abigail, particularly not in a private moment. “Maybe I’ll just get the file from you later,” she said.

“Nah, I’ll grab the case file for you, it’ll only take a minute.” Gus said, oblivious to how her walking had slowed. “And we’ll have to go in the side door, the front door was sticking this morning.”

“Maybe it’s from the heat?” Juliet suggested.

“No, Shawn spilled pineapple juice all over the hinges,” Gus explained as they walked around to the side door, which had been left open, probably to let a breeze in to provide some relief from the heat. “He said they were making an annoying noise and the juice was the same consistency as WD-40.”

Juliet laughed. She couldn’t help it. She followed Gus in the side door, which would spit them out right by the fridge in the office. As she shut the door gently, Gus motioned behind him for her to stop. “What is it?” she whispered.

Gus turned, a finger to his lips. Juliet fell silent. “We’re interrupting something.” Gus mouthed.

Juliet nodded but didn’t speak. She could see Shawn and Abigail standing in the front room, locked in a kiss, completely oblivious to her and Gus’ presence.

As Juliet looked up at them, her heart sinking, Abigail broke away from Shawn. “Shawn, I need to ask you something,” Abigail’s voice was soft, upset.

Shawn pulled away from her, listening, but he didn’t say anything.

“Should we leave?” Juliet mouthed to Gus, motioning to the door. She knew Shawn and Abigail couldn’t see them from this angle, but she still felt weird about eavesdropping. Plus, she really didn’t _want_ to learn more about their relationship.

Gus shook his head at her. “Too loud,” he mouthed back.

“When you—when you saved Detective O’Hara at the festival two days ago, and I said how amazing it was that you would risk your life for a random co-worker, you said she wasn’t random.” Abigail’s question came out as more of a statement.

Juliet frowned. Shawn said she wasn’t random? What did he mean by that? Her own feelings aside, they were friends, of course, but had he meant something more by that comment?

“I said I would do it for anyone,” Shawn said, slowly, frowning in confusion.

Juliet let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Well, then the “she’s not random” comment _hadn’t_ meant anything. She hated how deflated this made her feel.

“You did,” Abigail nodded. “You did say that, but _after_ you said ‘she’s not random’.”

Shawn frowned again, “I’m sorry, what is the question?”

Abigail sighed. “She’s—she’s _not_ random, is she?”

Shawn was silent for a long moment—Juliet couldn’t tell how long, because suddenly she found herself struggling to breathe again—and she heard Gus exhale quietly next to her. Both of them kept their eyes glued on Shawn. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, and then closed it again.

“Shawn?” Abigail asked, her usually steady voice a little uneven.

Shawn sighed. “No,” he said softly, and Juliet felt her heart leap for a moment. “No, she’s not.”

“Have you two ever--?” Abigail, again, didn’t finish her question.

“No!” Shawn interjected. “No, we haven’t!” There was a bit too much defensiveness in his tone, Juliet realized, but she didn’t know how to interpret it.

“I didn’t even finish the question.” Abigail said.

“No, I know. I just mean,” Shawn paused. “Nothing’s happened between me and Jules, okay? I mean there have been things, but they’re nothing. Lots of little nothings, sometimes, but overall, they—they’re nothing. Nothing’s happened—.”

“You’re rambling.” Abigail pointed out, flatly.

“Look, my point is this,” Shawn paused, looking at Abigail deeply. “Yes, I spend a lot of time with Jules, and yes, I’d be lying if I said she was random, because she’s not, but we’ve—we’ve never been together, and I—.”

“Did you want to be?”

Shawn sighed, “Look, Abigail, I waited thirteen years to be with you—.”

Abigail raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure _I’m_ the one that waited thirteen years.”

“That is…fair.” He said, considering. “But I wanted this second chance, and I’m so glad we’re doing this, and besides, who have I spent the last fifteen minutes making out with here in the Psych office even though Gus warned me just this morning to never make out with anyone in such close proximity to his pharmaceutical case?”

Beside Juliet, Gus’ face scrunched up in annoyance, but he still chose not to make their presence known.

Abigail laughed lightly. “Anyone I know?” She was going to let the moment pass, Juliet realized.

Shawn’s voice was soft, and he had his hands on her shoulders, pulling her towards him. “Abigail Lytar,” he said, “I want to be with _you_.”

But his voice was wrong, Juliet realized. Abigail hadn’t noticed, perhaps, but she did. It was just a tiny bit higher than usual—the voice of someone who’s been caught, who thinks they might be trapped. She’s heard him use this voice dozens of times, even as recently as yesterday, when Carlton had caught him going through his top desk drawer, after he claimed to have had a “psychic vibration” that there was a Snickers bar inside. 

Gus chose that moment to lean behind Juliet and slam the side door, as if he and Juliet had just come in, prompting Shawn and Abigail to jump away from each other as they finally noticed Gus and Juliet.

Shawn looked up at Juliet, his eyes wide, like a deer in headlights. His eyes were sad, though, and his mouth fell open as he looked at her.

Juliet looked down, away from him, like she didn’t notice, because suddenly she felt like if she looked at him, she would start to cry.

Shawn swallowed, “Jules!”

“I, uh, just came to grab a case file back from Gus.” She said, still avoiding his gaze. Gus wordlessly handed her the file.

Juliet blinked back the tears and smiled up at Shawn and Abigail. “Hi, Abigail. I hope you guys had a nice lunch,” she said, with as much warmth as she could muster. Shawn was still looking at her like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, which, Juliet thought idly, he probably _had_ been caught doing, probably daily, throughout his youth.

“We did, thanks,” said Abigail, her voice friendly. Juliet respected her for that.

She tore her gaze away from them. “I, um, should be getting back,” she said, “Thanks for the coffee, Gus.”

Gus nodded. “Bye, Juliet.” She nodded at him in return.

Without another look at Shawn, Juliet left. She was back in her car before she let the tears she’d blinked back fall. She played over the last several minutes in her head. She still didn’t understand entirely what Shawn meant when he’d said she wasn’t random. But an image popped suddenly into her mind, of a few days ago, when she and Shawn had stood on the ladder together under the trapdoor in the stage. Even though he'd been reaching for the clue, she remembered their closeness, the way he'd looked at her, like maybe he knew she was half-hoping, in that moment, that he'd kiss her. Like maybe he'd wanted to, too. Yes, one thing she _was_ certain of—those “little nothings” Shawn had mentioned weren’t nothing at all. Not to her. And neither was he.

And from Shawn’s expression when he’d seen her, she was pretty sure they weren’t nothing to him, either. But “not nothing”, she realized, maybe wasn’t the same as “something”. She saw his sad, wide hazel eyes in her mind again. It wasn’t nothing. But he was with Abigail, and he could’ve taken an out when Abigail had asked him about his feelings for Juliet today, and he hadn’t. And that wasn’t nothing either.

And yet, she couldn’t deny that his voice had been just a little too off when he’d told Abigail he wanted to be with her. He did want to be with Abigail, she didn’t doubt that, or at least a large part of him did. And as much as it killed Juliet to know that, she wanted Shawn to be happy. That was all she’d ever wanted for him, even though she wanted it to be her that had made him so.

But that spark of doubt—the highness of his voice, the way he’d looked at Juliet like a desperate apology, like he’d been asking for another chance—there was still something there that Juliet wanted to hold onto, something that made her feel like, even though her heart was shattering when she played over the image of him kissing Abigail in her head, this thing wasn’t over yet. Those details--which she knew she’d only noticed because of the way she and Shawn paid attention to each other so keenly, as they had for years--those details would stay with her.

She dried her tears on her sleeve as she drove back to the station. Not random. Not random at all.


End file.
